Sunday, May 27, 2012

A quick frown



I know this is the blog "Things that make me smile" but today something happened and I need to get it out.

I got a call from a sister missionary stating that one of my close friends had given her my number because i was in a place where i needed to get "help" or whatever.
Normally a call like this wouldnt have bugged me, but in high school she was my friend she accepted me for me never pushed her religion on me and i never pushed my beliefs on her.

Since high school I have moved further away from any and all religions, and i know she knows. She was always the one best mormon friend I had that never tried to convert me. I feel betrayed for lack of a better word. She gave my number away knowing fully where I stand on this religion issue. I posted these lyrics on facebook:

"And following their rules is such a God foresaken bore, 
Now I say God because I'm programmed, 
But I believe in none"- The Noose Tech N9ne

And I think that contributed to her wanting to "help" me. But thats honestly how I feel. I am me, i believe in what i believe i do what i believe is morally right or i try my hardest to be the best Gabby I can be.

I think the reason i feel most betrayed is that she knows me, she accepted me for who i am and what i do, but now she doesnt. Am i a worse person? what happened where all of a sudden being me isnt good enough. Why cant people accept me for me. I think Im a decent person I think how i want to live my life is just fine. I have an AMAZING husband who loves me for me, the bestest of friends who remind me almost every day that they love me. 

I dont know how to even bring up to her how upset i feel that im not good enough the way i am, or that how i feel by having her betray me and give my number to a missionary. I understand she just got back from her mission and is getting temple married and is very up on her church i get it but it still upsets me deeply. 

I have no problem sharing my religious views with anyone, if they ask for them. Im not going to spew what i believe and why to strangers, i dont need to explain myself. All anyone needs to know is that i am agnostic, meaning I dont know what i am, i am discovering myself and where i belong. Some religions i know 100% i dont belong in. But I want to figure it out by myself, not have someone push me in the direction they want for me

I would really appreciate some feedback on how to handle the convo with my friend and what to tell the missionary when she calls again.

2 comments:

  1. Just flat out let the sister missionary know that you are not interested in learning anything from her about the church. As for your friend. That's tough, especially if its who I think it is... I might just ask her what's up and why she felt the need to go behind your back and do such a thing. Let her know how betrayed you feel and how it hurts your trust. Kindly ask her to not give out your number to anyone without first explicitly asking your permission.

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  2. Gabby, you are an amazing, kind hearted soul. Believe me when I say that I know what it feels like to be propositioned. I believe that you, my dear, are one if the most amazing, gracious people I know and I want you to remember that there will ALWAY be people, ecrn those who are supposed to be "close" to us, that will always try to say that the life you are living is wrong. Your life is not wrong. As long as you're a good person and you strive to be the vest you can be, that's all that god/the universe can ask of you. I love you dear. I hope you can internalize how truly amazing you are.

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